My Kid Pees Outside. Judge Me.

We play outside constantly. It’s the only way my kid can breathe and exist without turning on “Blaze and the Monster Machines”. So what do little boys do when they are running around playing in the heat? Well, they drink water. And gatorade. And what happens as the water travels through their little bodies? Well, they have to go potty.  “Mama, I pee pee outside.” “No, Camden. Pee Peeing outside is for doggies. You are a human. You pee pee inside on the potty.” “I don’t wannnnna pee pee inside.” In the meantime, said child’s younger sibling, Samuel, has managed to find himself in the street, licking something off his hands that he discovered somewhere. “OKAY, just go hide over there behind the trash cans. Hurry before someone sees you.”

 

Now for the first 20 times, I felt really guilty. What mother would allow her child to drop his pants, practically in public, and pee? One day as I was talking to an older neighbor, Camden proceeds to do his thing  by the trashcans. But in a projectile motion fashion, he started spraying the plants and was as serious as I used to be playing beer pong in college. {You gotta focus hard if you want that ball in the cup. And if I recall correctly, there was a time I played beer pong without panties on, as they were hanging on a giant moose above my head in a frat house. I mean, I’m basically the same as my three year old son peeing next to trashcans}. Anyways, I had to act like I was appalled at his behavior in front of my old lady neighbor friend. “WHAAAATTT! Camden, STOP! Baby, pee peeing outside is not allowed! We have discussed this extensively!” As he looks at me with a plethora of utter confusion, older neighbor chimes in. “um, ya know, you really shouldn’t let him do that. What if the little girl across the street was around? She would see…yeah, it just wouldn’t be appropriate. My son never acted like that when I was raising him.”…..“Yeah, you are right. I will implement a….SAM, GET OUT OF THE F’N STREET AND TAKE THAT PIECE OF SHIT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!” {Insert emoji with hand smacking myself in face. Or maybe the hand was smacking a child. It’s truly hard to tell}.

 

After a few weeks of peeing outside went down, I finally gained some peace about it.  

 

What the hell does it even matter if my kid pees outside? Or if my kid licks crap off the street? I don’t think I’m gaining mom of the year award over here anytime soon as it is.

 

 Samuel licking brown shit off his hands in the street is the same experience as licking something off of my floor.  Except the street at least gets rained on here and there. Maybe he is on to something…

 

I want my children to live. And play. They have their whole lives to hold their urine until they reach a respectable location known as “The Restroom.” I also want my kids to understand there is a time and place for everything.  If you never give them a bit of freedom, they will just follow rules as opposed to using their knowledge to make informed decisions. My husband and I backpacked in the Grand Canyon for three nights. Guess where we peed? You guessed it. Outside. And one day when I take my little boy backpacking, I want him to have the “peeing outside” skill already mastered. {Talk about some messed up justification.} We recently came to an agreement that Camden can pee pee outside, but it just has to be in the backyard where no little girls’ wandering eyes can be scarred for life by his actions. {It’s actually the old lady neighbor friend I am shielding him from, but it sounds classier for me to want to protect young children, so we’ll go with that.} Why do we always have to be so worried about everything? Why does something as simple as peeing outside classify me as an unfit parent and my son as a wild streaker-beast running around the neighborhood? You have to pick your battles in parenthood, and this is just not one I’m willing to waste my time fighting.

 

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5 thoughts on “My Kid Pees Outside. Judge Me.

  1. Funny stuff. Yes I am spying on your blog…making sure you are keeping it moving! Ha. Love the new pictures.

    1. 😂 yup!! Sounds so familiar. I’m over the judgmental old lady neighbor. She got mad at me when I told her I was staying home. She’s very opinionated.

  2. I peed outside Tuesday at the park…hope the guy in the canoe didn’t see 😂

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